This is Me, This is Who I am

Hey ya'll! So when I started this blog back at the beginning of the year I touched on who I am, and why I'm on this journey. Now that I have more followers besides just my mom, I thought I should go back and revisit that subject..so here we go...

I have never been the "skinny" girl. I have always had the "athletic" build. I hated it. I had a chubbier face and solid thighs, luckily I got my dads long torso and long legs so I was able to carry my weight, relatively well. Junior High and the first two years of High School I was extremely insecure. I put my self on "diets" and did every single workout video of my mom's that I could find in house. I hated my stomach and thighs, I hated swimming pools because of swimsuits and I hated shopping because it meant trying on a thousand things to find something that would look half way decent on me. I really didn't have a good self image. Looking back now it's actually kind of sad. I never went bulimic or anorexic  but I'm not going to lie there were times it crossed my mind. But I always knew better I knew that they were not long term fixes. 

Through out Junior High and High School I was pretty active volleyball, basketball, and track. By the time my Junior year had rolled around, I was at my smallest. I wasn't exactly where I wanted to be but I was happy. Sports had been extremely good for me. Through out my senior year I worked out before school, had 2 PE classes, volleyball and track practices. I was staying in good shape with out a doubt, but that year I also started working at McDonalds after school. That was where some of my trouble began, the grease just absorbed into my body. Not to mention our meals were discounted. Highschool came to an end and then I was off to Cosmetology school.

 I started school In Hays in July of 2010. I transferred to a new McDonalds. Hays was a MUCH bigger town than I lived in before meaning more fast food restaurants to choose from. This McDonald allowed free meals durning shifts and discounts all other times, that was doom for me right away. Cosmo school is not like any other type of college. Its mostly girls, so imagine being around 50 girls all the time. The stress levels were high for me because of drama, and I worked a full time job outside of school. What really was a downer for me was that 50 girls, means 50 periods, that many periods meant Junk Food city. On any given day you could find cookies, candies, homemade pastas, bread, bags of chips and dips and pop in the lobby at any time. It was torture. I wasn't a breakfast eater then either and that killed me. I got 5 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky, didn't eat breakfast, went to school for 8 hours, ate shit at school, went to work right after for 8 hours where I ate more shit, then I went home to do homework where I brought shit food home from work to eat. When I did eat at home, I ate badly, lots of microwave meals and sweets. I ate a lot of the same foods I did when I was in High school , the only difference was now I didn't work out at all.

Yeah thats right thats me and Steven Moody! when he was in charge of Vidal Sassoon's Company

Thats how it went on until June of 2011 when I graduated. In between those 11 months I also went through a lot emotionally. I had been dating my then boyfriend, now husband, since February of 2010. I knew from the beginning that this was the man I was going to marry. I loved him with every fiber of my being. The distance between us caused us to fight a lot. Never anything huge but we nit picked at each other and picked stupid fights. Those fights led to weekend breakups, just to make up and get back together with in days. That also led to alot of emotionally eating. We rode those waves up until probably April of 2011. We always came back to each other, it was like it was destined and we both knew it. He's 3 years older then me, so we were just at different points in our lives as well. We finally were doing good, and then he proposed in May of 2011, I was beyond happy! Finally my dreams were going to come true. We moved in together after I graduated and things between us got better, I became comfortable. That was an issue. I had gained at least 30 pounds during school, I didn't keep track because I wasn't paying attention to it. As we began living together and planning our wedding I continued to eat shit. He ate like he always had, a single guy living on his own, meant lots of fast food. I went along with is because I just wanted to spend time with him. I gained a lot more weight, how much, I don't really know, but it was too much. 

As our wedding day approached I kept telling myself I was going to start working out for the wedding and so on. And I did. But I never stuck with anything. I started Insanity 5 times and never once made it past the fist week. I tried Body By Vi shakes, that lasted a whole 3 days. I tried weight watchers online, that didn't make it a week. I tried fad diets and pills. Never sticking with anything. My parents even supported my want to lose weight and offered me a five hundred dollars in cash when I hit my goal. But still something was off in me and I never could stick it out. 

We got married, and I loved it, I felt beautiful and it was an amazing day, we went on our honeymoon and had a blast. When we came back and got all of our pictures, it hit me like a ton of bricks, WHO WAS THAT GIRL IN THE PICTURES?? I never felt that big, I'd never been so big, I couldn't believe it. I was ashamed. I was sad and depressed, being depressed only made me eat more. My husband never once was mean to me about my weight, he just flat out didn't mention it. But I felt the burn of disappointment in my self every time I looked in the mirror. October rolled around in 2012 and I turned 21, just what I needed, empty calories in alcohol and beer munchies. The weight just kept piling on. I only wore sweat shirts and nike shorts if I could help it, I only had one pair of jeans that fit and I searched for any loose flowy shirts I could. 

Finally New Years Eve of 2012 was upon me, I was depressed, overweight and lacked all self confidence I once had had and then something inside of me broke, I cried. I cried a lot and I knew that I had to do something, this person I'd became was not who I was, nor was it who I wanted to be. I researched like a mad women on the internet about fitness and eating right and every thing under the sun. I was determined to make 2013 my year, I was going to lose the weight and be in the best shape I had ever been in. I also wanted to lose the weight before the hubs and I decided to have kids, I wanted to be fit pre pregnancy so I could be fit during. ( no we aren't expecting and won't be for few more years) I was finally fully motivated, inside and out. When I told the hubs, he wasn't unsupportive, but he wasn't supportive either. I can't blame him I mean I had started countless diets and programs a hundred times before, why was this time going to be different......

To this day, I don't know why this time is different, why this time I've been able to make the changes easily and to workout with out an excuse. Something changed in me. I think I was just sick and tired of myself looking like that and I wanted to prove everyone wrong, I wanted to show off my body not hide it, I wanted to be the women I knew I could be and look and feel my best. I began eating right, slowly, it was a lot of changes I monitored calories, and cut out the bad shit. I began doing the couch to 5K program and working out in my house, after a month and a half I had lost 20lbs and then the confidence and motivation kicked into full swing. I had finally accomplished something. Before long I had completed couch to 5K and signed up for my first 5K that I ran in June, read about it HERE.....

Fast Forward till now, the present day, I have fought tooth and nail, I have cried, sweated and bled to lose 62 pounds. I literally worked my ass of for it and I am more happy now then I ever could be. I enjoy eating healthy now, my body craves the healthy foods and unprocessed foods I enjoy now. Most importantly I know I can do it. I have gained self confidence and now the sky is the limit.. I will not stop and I will let nothing stop me. And I'm here to tell you that whatever your fitness goal is, you can achieve it, don't let anything stop you. Go after it!

My husband is completely supportive now of my lifestyle change and had began running and watching what he eats, he himself has lost 10 pounds and I couldn't be more proud. I absolutely adore the extra attention he gives me now, the love is still there and it never left, he just makes more comments on my body now and still says how proud of me he is. Which for real makes me fee so sexy now. If anything this has helped our marriage by bringing us to a new degree of intimacy and giving us another activity to enjoy together.

I used to avoid mirrors and photos like the plague, which is why there aren't alot of photos of me where you can see my weight.. Now I love staring at myself in the mirror and don't mind taking pictures all the time

See me through out the changes HERE.

I keep a log in my phone for my progress when I weigh.

By posting thisI'm letting you see that this took time and I'm not done yet, I hope I can provide a little inspiration on the way. I'm very open about things, so if you have questions don't hesitate to ask!

But for all of you out there this is me, on my journey. Watch Out World, I'm not done yet!

-J

IG- ms_st4tus