How Weight Loss Changed Me

Let's state the obvious here...

My body looks a bajillion times better.

Clothes fit better.

My health is no longer something that could kill me.

Now that those are out of the way.. the more non-obvious changes.

Always being the chubby girl, the "big" friend or the bottom-of-the-pyramid-at-sleepovers girl, I was used to those feelings. I was used to the stereo typical places in society that I fit in. I knew what section of clothes to go to at stores. I knew what clothes would help hide my body. I knew how to stand in pictures to camouflage my chub. I had it down to an art. I knew how to "make up" for my weight, being a pushover, cooking super dooper meals, taking a back seat to my life.

All of that changed.

When I started loosing weight and sticking with my lifestyle change, this thing inside me started hatching.

It was the new me.

I found my self in awe of the new me.

I had self confidence, I liked what the mirror showed. I had never experienced this before.

When it came to posing for pictures, I wasn't consumed with the idea of figuring out how to stand to hide my gut and sucking it in right before the flash snapped. I just smiled.

And for real.

It was a real smile.

I didn't have to force it.

I smiled because I knew the pictures were going to show me as I wanted to be shown.

Happy.

I have seriously found a new level of happiness through my weight loss. I have a sparkle to my eyes, I smile more and damn it I'm in a better mood 90% of the time.

Mother nature has control of the other 10% unfortunately  for real though a "your not pregnant" text each month would be good enough for me.

In my life that I can remember, I don't ever recall such a genuine happiness and upbeat-ness in my attitude upon waking up each day. I also sleep sooooo welll!

I'm having to relearn everything though.

I'm having to learn how to be the new me.

When I walk into stores, I bounce around like "I'm all jacked up on mountain dew!"

I don't know where to begin. My fashions changing, I'm not scared of clothes because they "weren't meant for my body type". Being a little more daring doesn't scare me. I like having help from sales associates because I'm not scared of them judging me.

Most importantly, I stopped judging myself.

My self confidence is through the rooof!

I just feel good, I feel accomplished and proud because DAMNIT I worked my ASS off and then squatted to put it back on! I have put blood sweat and tears into this new body. 

My relationship with my husband has improved, there isn't an underlying tension anymore. And no my husband wasn't a jerk to me, but I was bitter. Not just to him, to a lot of people and it put a strain on relationships. I'd pick fights for no reason just because I was miserable and unhappy with myself. I was so pathetic that I had to stoop to taking it out on other people. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair.

I don't resent others anymore.

The ugliness of my soul is gone.

Weight loss has changed me inside and out.

Being more positive has came so easily too.

Its easier to find the upside of things in life when your happier with where you sit.

"Only those who turn their face from the sun will truly ever see darkness"

 - Helen Keller

When I don't wanna go on, when I want to stop. I remind myself why I started, why I never want to turn back, just how far I have really come. I smile after workouts because I'm proud. I'm happy that I am the new me. Looking back it makes me sad that I didn't have the self respect that I have now. That I let myself go and worst of all I let others walk over me because I didn't respect me so why should they?

That should never be the case.

Now, I'm feisty, opinionated and I probably come on strong, but trust me. I may be a lot to handle but I'm so worth it. I'm a big ball of fun now. Well a smaller ball of fun, but still fun!

I respect myself and from that I have more respect for others because I'm not bitter. I'm not resenting others for things I could change and chose not to change because I changed it.

I have found myself, the self I was meant to be, the self I always wanted to see.

Finally, I'm me and proud of every inch, pound and curve that make me up.

What changes do you see in yourself/want to see?

Happy day ya'll!

-J