Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Intimidated Shmintated

Ugh packing and sorting has consumed my life, that and a few minutes of Netflix distractions. This weekends the move and next weeks the garage sale. If I can survive until then it might just be a miracle. 

This is how I hope it goes, the less trips the better.

But enough of my whineyness. The hub has made the switch to a day job, which means we are up and at em at 7/730 and passed out before 1 am.  That for us is a complete flip, we've been doing the night thing for over 2 years. 

So yesterday was my first day of going to the gym in the morning with the majority of the planet. No longer was it just me and maybe one or two stragglers. I was there among about a dozen people in the small gym. I was completely intimidated. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to turn around and run out the door and hide in my car. But they'd seen me, If I ran out now, they'd know I was scared, or just really socially awkward. I kept walking, set my stuff down and then just decided to fake it. I puffed my chest out like I was big and bad and walked over and started my day. There was this skinny girl there working out with her boyfriend, ahhh the nerves came creeping back. I always wanted to be the skinny girl, I always used to think that skinny automatically ment fit(Thanks for the twisted views society)

What happened to these views?

But now I know, fit means fit, fit doesn't have a weight restriction or a pants size. Fit means being the best you, you are capable of pushing yourself to be and striving for health not perfection- well thats what it means to me. But this girl was side eyeing me and mirroring me and I felt allllll the judgement her eyes had to offer. I had this feeling that maybe it was a mistake, maybe I was out of place here, I was to weak to be here. Thats when my day got made. I don't judge people on what they can and can't lift, because I'm my only competition, but it never hurts to have that satisfying feeling of a reality check. I glanced at me in the mirror and there she was doing calf raises with 5's and her boyfriend was near me doing this weird circus version of curls. I mean it was too high of a weight for him and he was having to thrust/throw the weight up to even make the curl motion. That was it, I wasn't weak, I wasn't out of place, I belonged. I was owning chest day, I PR'd on incline dumbbell press using 35's- I was strong. She was skinny, I was fit. My body has muscle definition (somes better than none) she just was skinny. Which it shouldn't make me feel better because I was comparing myself, but it just did today. It made me feel better about getting up among the normals. When I left the gym I was puffed out again, but it wasn't because I was faking it, it was because I felt like a bad ass, because I was being the best me and didn't let others judging looks or bodies I used to swoon over get me down or stop me.



Don't let anything stop you from achieving the goals you want to.

What insecurities have you pushed aside and made yourself proud for achieving?
-J

11 comments:

  1. I found your blog about a month ago and I love it and find your story very inspiring! I can relate so much to this entry, I struggle to not feel intimitadated by others while working out. I should only be competing with myself. :)

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  2. I walked into the gym for the 1st time alone last night. I usually have a friend with me but life happens..lol I knew if I didn't get out of the car as soon as I pulled up, I would just pull out & go back home. This is only the 5th or 6th time I've been at the gym so I was very nervous to say the least. Do you know why I walked into that gym alone? I got on IG & seen everyone else posting their workouts, you have been an inspiration since the first time I ran across your blog. If I were to walk in a gym with you there, I'd be intimidated!!! You have came a long way & you kick ass every day :)

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  3. Maybe she was intimidated being at the gym and was just looking for someone who knew what they were doing. Maybe she was mirroring you, because she had no idea what to do and saw someone who did. Maybe she is very self conscious and was intimidated by you. And 5 pounds? Everyone has to start somewhere. Including her boyfriend. It's not her fault she is skinny. You sound like you were the one judging. I am sorry, but that's how I read it.

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  4. Hey girl, hey! I nominated you for a Liebster award. Check out my blog (http://theswallowflies.blogspot.com) for details!

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  5. I think we all feel self conscience at the gym lol I crank the volume up and just tune everyone out

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  6. I can relate soo much! Here lately when the bikini pictures come out on Facebook I'm like "Man...she looks nice" but now I'm starting to think, "Well she's always been skinny, I bet she doesn't work as hard as I do to try and get fit." So that makes me feel a little better. You're right though, it's not a competition. It's just so hard not to compare myself to others.

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  7. Go on with your bad self!!! Good for you!

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  8. I always feel insecure about my running. I am such a slow runner, i see people running like 10mph and immediately feel like a little girl again. But at the same time I know I am lapping everyone on the couch!

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  9. I feel like this every day still. I have been going to the gym faithfully since this past October. And every day I still have to make myself go in alone. Amongst all the other skinnies, but I had that one day that made me think the same thing. There was a girl in the ladies weight room talking to me about how her hubs is a body builder and they work out ALLLLL the time. I was like "That's awesome." feeling so intimidated. Then she picked up little 8 pounders to do curls with. And I was like, "oh no she didn't" Here I am busting out a sweat with some 20's feeling like an amateur. I think God put her there that morning to tell me that this is exactly where I belong, and that I'm good enough and worth all the blood, sweat, and tears I'm putting in!

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  10. You, intimidated?? Puh-leeeeeze!!! You're one of the people I'm intimidated BY!!! :) You rock!

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  11. You have got this girl! You are so amazing when it is just you and a few other people. Be that same person. I am definitely intimidated at the gym, I used to go at midnight when I got out of work and if anyone else was there I would get very anxious and nervous.
    Great post - there are a lot of women out there that feel the same way!

    By the way we are getting ready to sell our house and I started packing up stuff we don't use everyday - OH EM GEE! There is so much stuff - I am not sure how we will ever actually move out!

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