Excuses Don't Burn Calories

Surprising isn't it?

Ever since I've been making such good progress on my weight loss and lifestyle change journey people have been asking how I've done it and what advice I can offer. I have absolutely zero issues offering help, advice or encouragement to anyone who wants it. Plenty of my readers contact me and I do my best to reply back immediately or with in a few hours. 

I like the contact and I like to help people. 

But I can only help people who want to help themselves.

You all know I don't sugar coat anything. 

No one needs to increase their chance of diabetes around here. 

A person I know from where I'm from, came to me for help a few months back, I was more than happy to oblige! So she began and that was all great. She was putting forth effort to exercise, but when it came to eating habits, she didn't want to budge. She wanted to continue to drink each night, indulge in fast food for every meal and she expected the weight to "fall off".  I explained about healthy choices and what good food can do for your body. You don't have to "give up" your favorite foods, you don't have to starve yourself, every thing is fine in moderation. Pay attention to the amount of the more unhealthy foods you eat and that will help you a lot. She contacted me again today saying how nothing is helping and she just can't do it, it's too hard, healthy food is too expensive, she can't afford good foods, working out is a hassle, there isn't enough time in the day to workout, workouts cut into her partying time, the list goes on and on. She asked how I mange to do it. I don't "manage" to do it, I make time to do it. I make my schedule fit. I work 40-50 hours a week, and i still have plenty of time to do food prep, cook healthy meals from scratch, workout for 45 minutes to a hour and a half each night, tend to my blog, watch TV, play with my puppy, and spend plenty of time with my husband. It is just all about making time for everything, not making excuses. I tried to help her, but she wasn't wanting to put forth the effort, she figured she could walk a mile or two a week and the weight was going to fall off overnight. 

You don't put your weight on overnight, so why would it come off overnight.

She has all the power in the world to do this, but until she is in the right mindset, then she won't be ready.

You have to fully invest in a change. If you want it to be permeant you have to do things to permanently change it. Slow and steady wins the race, if you go about this the right way and lose your weight slowly and steadily by making changes to you activity level and your diet then you are on the right path for losing weight and keeping it off.

Not to sound like a broken record but progress is progress, because no matter how fast you are going you are lapping every single person who is parked on the couch in front of the TV. Don't focus on the time its going to take you to meet your goals, regardless, the time will pass anyways.

Please don't have ridiculous expectations and out of this world hopes that 50 pounds will melt off in a month. Set little goals that are easy to achieve versus setting goals that seem really far out.

I know I drone on about this but it is so true. I preach to myself daily about these things, because no one is perfect.

Hell I re-read my own blog too. I need reminders,motivation and reality checks too.

What really pisses me off about excuses is the "eating healthy is too expensive". Are you freaking kidding me???

You can afford to eat take out three times a day, plus pop and candy bars for snacks and some ice cream at the end of the day, but you can't "afford" to go grocery shopping.

No. 

I don't think so.

You CAN afford it. If you WANT to do it.

My husband and I spend roughly $400 a month on groceries and we eat out maybe three times a month. And for us, eating out means subway or frozen yogurt.

 Oh the exciting life we lead. 

The money we spend on groceries is for our meals at home. Or  I make up food to take with us. 

There is no shame of taking your own food on trips to save money, time or calories. 

You CAN do this, if you ARE WILLING to do so.

"Whats your excuse?"

Now I'm going to leave you with this new yummy recipe I came up with. 

Clean and Lean Turkey Chili

1lb lean turkey burger

10oz tomato juice

3 sm/md roma tomatoes, chopped

1 red bell pepper, chopped

1 green bell pepper, chopped

2 whole green onions, chopped

1lb black beans, pre cooked 

1lb red beans, pre cooked

1 small sweet potato, chopped

Cumin

Paprika

1 TBSP olive oil

In a large pot over medium heat add oil and all the vegetables, stirring occasionally. In a separate skillet brown your turkey burger, drain. Add turkey burger to vegetables, stir in tomato juice. Let cook slowly over medium heat stirring occasionally for twenty minutes. Add seasoning to taste, let sit on burner with heat off. Serve away or let cool and freeze.

This is delicious, filling and hubby approved.

Even though it's summer this stuff hits the freaking spot.

I hope you all have a marvelous Monday!

As always,

-J

Even When Your Hope is Gone, Move Along

This post has been in the back of my mind the last few weeks, it was just a matter of finding the best way to say it all. So my friends here we go..

Weight loss is hard. Its a journey that's filled with a lot of ups and downs. It's not for the weak. It takes so much dedication, will power and pure desire. 

Some days are easier than others and then some days you want to throw your scale at the mirror, throw on sweat pants order a large cheese pizza and slip into a food coma.

I truly feel this way someday.

These days are the ones that define you.

You can either sit down and mope because the scale isn't where you wanted it to be or you can get off your ass and move mountains.

I'm sorry if your looking for sugar coated fairy dust, I'm not that type of gal, I'm going to give it to you straight.

What you need to remember is how far you have come already and how much further you can go. That little voice inside your head that tells you you are tired and you should give up is a LIAR. You are more than capable to do anything and everything your heart desires. Your body was meant to do great things not cause you to be upset. Don't let this happen to you.

I know its hard, the scale isn't the only way to measure your progress though, when your scale disappoints you, pick yourself up and take a picture, try on old clothes, measure inches, see your progress through another set of eyes. We all need to remember that muscle weighs more than fat does, it just doesn't take up as much space. So while your scale hasn't moved you've lost fat and gained muscle. 

No one ever said this journey was going to be easy. If it was going to be easy more people would do it. I'm not just preaching this to the world on here, I have to tell my self all of this too from time to time. I'm not perfect and forget sometimes how far I've come. Instead of moping, I reminisce on my progress, and you should too! 

I was in such a funk last month but I didn't let it stick around. I'm kicking it the ass this month. Last night I was so tired after work and a run that I didn't want to do my 30 day shred video, I wanted to curl up in bed and watch Prison Break on netflix. As much as I wanted to do that, I pushed through and did my video, It wasn't easy, the first few minutes I felt I wasn't giving it my all that I was just half ass-ing it and then I thought to myself, how disappointed I would be with myself for slacking when I was perfectly capable of powering on. So I did. I gave it my all and before I knew it, the workout was done. I didn't die and had more energy then to get through laundry, dishes and other household fun.

You are entitled to a bad day. One bad day isn't going to undo all your good days. Just like one good day won't undo days of bad choices and slacking. Sometimes you just need a little reminder as to why you started.

What I'm really trying to get across is that don't let one bad day, a scale or slow progress hinder you from doing great things. Slow progress is still progress and its progress not perfection anyways.

You have come to far to throw the towel in now, pick that towel up right now and use it to wipe up your sweat. You are doing great and will continue to do great, I'm sure of it. Please don't give up on yourself.

"Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking, When you fall everyone stands. Another day and you've had your fill of sinking, with life held in your, hands are shaking cold, these hands are meant to hold. Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong, Move along, move along like I know you do. And even when your hope is gone. Move along move along just to make through, move along..."

This is why I keep going. Because this girl right here is done hiding behind sweatshirts, done wearing sweatshirts in the middle of the dry kansas summer and feeling ugly. This girl is rocking her progress and going to show it off!

I hope you all have a fabulous Friday and remember why you started and keep pushing through.

- J

Give It Your All August {Workout Wednesday}

Waaaaake Up San Francisco!

I watch a little too much Full House on Nick at Nite...

Its Hump day my friends! So let's get down to the main attraction, Work out Wednesday! Again I'm linking up with Skinny Meg!

So It's August, in July I feel like I slacked a little in my workout area, or something for that matter, I've hit a serious plateau. I also felt like I was just in a fitness funk. I just wanted to stop. I wasn't losing, but I wasn't gaining either. I wanted to eat all the crap food I could find. I wanted to stop what I'm doing and curl up on the freaking couch and eat candy and drink pop. Or stuff my face with pasta and breadsticks. The more negative thoughts that filled my head, the worse I felt. I finally had to go through all my pictures, have a chunk of dark chocolate and tablespoon of peanut butter and remind my self why I started doing this. And why I never want to start over again. Then I came up with a comeback plan. I'm only human, I wish I could eat what I want when I want and still look like a supermodel. 

PSH.

Who am I kidding, that ain't me. 

I'm a former fatty that has sweated my jiggly ass off to get to where I am and I'd be damned if I'm going to go back.

You can't make me.

I also couldn't let all my new blog and instagram friends down that want my help. Hell I can't let people who think of me as an "inspiration" see me give up easily. 

(that whole being an inspiration thing still makes me blush and laugh, for real I'm just a former fatty on this journey like everyone else is, I'm not a superhero, nor am I perfect, I just focus on progress not perfection.)

I hated that feeling.

So to bust the shiiiit out of that feeling and get back to my norm, I've made August

"Give It Your All August"

I'm facing everything head on I take you on, head strong I'll take on anyone.

Heres all what I'm doing:

1st-30th {Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred}

5th-14th {Advocare 10 Day Cleanse}

17th -30th {Use Advocare MNS MAX 3}

All Month Use Advocare Spark! and up my daily water intake.

This is in addition to my normal run/walk regime and 30 minute ab routine.

I've heard a lot of good things about Advocare's products and have been researching and asking around about them. I'm giving these products a shot and if I have good results with them, I will probably incorporate them in more regularly.

I'm on day 3 of the cleanse and so far It really isn't that hard, I'm following it to a T. I'm not having dairy, sugar or bread. The fiber drink in Peaches and Cream really is a pretty good drink. It's not as bad as everyone made it out to be. 

I took before pictures for the 30 day shred, and I took measurements for the cleanse. I will post about each as I finish them up.

Now whose ready for a work out????

This 10 minute will kill your abs and legs. 

Your butt will thank you and your muffin top will hate you.

To up the difficulty add in hand weights during lunges.

Try it and let me know your thoughts on it!

What do you do when you get in a funk or hit a plateau?

And to leave you with a little motivation....

(sorry to my instagram followers for the repeat)

This is the same dress, the poor thing was just stretched to all get out in the first picture..

Have a wonderful workout Wednesday!!!!

-J

The Glow Run that Blowed

I had been looking forward to The Glow Run since June. I had had sooo much fun at The Color Run (Read about it HERE ) that I thought the Glow Run would be just as much if not more fun.

Boy was I wrong.

Now let's keep in mind that there were over 4,000 participants.

The run itself, probably wouldn't be bad in other towns, but the one at this location (wichita ks) was so poorly put together it was pathetic.

It was so far beyond un-organized it was disgusting. 

The Race began at 8:45, packet pick up began at 6 p.m, we got there right at 6 just to discover that there was zero sanctioned parking. You could park next door at a complex that was hosting the minor league baseball hall of fame or something like that, so if you found a spot and were okay with the chance of a fly ball  smashing your windshield, you were golden. So we parked and walked to get our packets, then we went to look at the goodies, the tent had one worker working and a bunch of people trying to buy stuff, we stood there forever trying to get her attention. After we did she took our card and we waited while she helped a bunch of others before finally giving me my card back! Ugh. So we took our packets and headed to my brother-in-law's house to visit for a bit before the run. We returned around 8 to get in line at the starting chute. Oh my freaking gosh. Every other 5K I had seen and the one I'd been in had rules, runners to one side, walkers in the middle and strollers on the other side, to keep the flow good. Well this had everyone mixed in and to top it off the course itself was a single road split down the middle by traffic cones, you ran down on one side then turned around and ran back on the other. 4,000 people running in a giant cluster fuck sharing a single traffic lane. And of course people had no courtesy to others, people would be running in front of you and then come to a dead stop, or they would pass you, swinging their elbows and nail you in the rib cage (thanks jerk in the bandana). The turns were even smaller space so every one piled up. It was like a traffic jam at 5:00 on a Friday during an apocalypse. I had to come to a complete stop more than once just waiting for a chance to move. Then there was the water station, the ones I seen had a table and  trash can, this one had people holding milk crates handing out cups of water, did I mention they were standing randomly in the middle of the road?? Then the "trash can" were empty milk crates in the middle of the road too. Yeah I had to jump over some. Then as the icing on the cake they had an ambulance making its horns sound randomly following the last of racers. I almost had a heart attack at that first screech. We finished, I was in a bad mood, it wasn't what it was cracked up to be, the people were rude, the course was pathetic and the beer in the beer garden brought out the "best" of people. 

Not. 

We are probably the only 21 and 24 year old that you'll meet that don't like drinking. We don't care if others drink, we just aren't drinking people, we maybe have 4 drinks between the two of us a year.

Yeah we are weird,

 eh don't care.

Then the cake got sprinkles too, the screen on my phone went out. It still played music but I couldn't see the screen for the random break out of rainbow that covered it. I have no idea what happened, but I have a good feeling that the bandana guy that elbowed me had something to do with it, ( he hit my phone and then the rib cage). 

So we left right after we got our medals, we went straight to the car, hopped in, and drove an hour to IHOP. Yeah we were both that angry that we wanted to drown our sorrows in pancakes. It didn't help that we hadn't eaten since before 6 and all I had that day was protein french toast and then a side salad later. I was hungry and angry. A deadly combination, so I let loose I had a four pancake stack of cinnamon roll pancakes with icing, and dammit I enjoyed every last bite. ( I paid for it later with a hell of a stomach ache) 

We got home, I had a small private funeral service for my iPhone5 and did a final backup of it on my computer.

When I woke up on Sunday I grabbed it to get the numbers off the back and began to call apple, for the hell of it I tried turning it on, it was a MIRACLE!!!! It turned on with no glitching, no damage and crisp clean screen resolution. I was SHOCKED. I screamed and might of pee'd a little. It lived. That made up for the bad run experience.

 The plus side of the day was spending it with my hubby.

Don't get me wrong her, I'm not saying that the Glow Run 5k is bad, just the one at this location was horrible. I'm sure there are others with different opinions but this was my experience.

End of Rant.

We may have not had the best of time, but we sure looked cute!

Have you had any bad race/event experiences??

-J

For Better or For Worse

You know those famous words from traditional wedding vows. 

Marriage is a hot topic latley all across the board, whether it be planning for a wedding,  being married, or saving a marriage. The thing everyone seems to forget at wedding season is, "the wedding doesn't make the marriage".

 How true that is. 

You can spend thousands of dollars on decor and dj's but if you don't mentally and physically invest into your marriage, then the money you spent on a designer dress and 2 story cake was down the toilet.

I've been married a little over a year and with my husband for over 3 years. I, in no way consider myself an expert. But I do have my opinions.

Marriage is hard. 

It's not just rainbow's shooting out of sparkly unicorn asses. 

Let's rewind for a second.

My husband and I met the February of my senior year  in high school and while he was a wild 21 year old. That was the day I stepped on to the roller coaster, with no intentions of getting off. 

We started talking right away, there was an instant connection and maybe I was crazy for giving my number to a half sober guy in the McDonald's drive through at 10:30 at night. But I did and it was one of the best decisions of my life.

We had been talking and hanging out about a week or two when we decided to start "dating" officially.  This went on for about a month, then the first of many breakups happened.

We had a large group of mutual friends, a lot of douches in the mix. Through mixed messages we both thought the other was playing the other. So as fast as it began it was over. 

We avoided each other like the plague. 

A few weeks later, like it began alcohol influenced texting and a long talk lead to dating, again.

The summer went on, I was preparing to move for collage and right before I moved, he ended it. He couldn't / didn't want to try to handle a long distance relationship.

A week after I moved, we were back together.

3 months later, we were over, long distance wasn't hacking it. We decided to be friends and keep in touch, he began dating another girl in attempts to move on... that lasted a whole 4 days and we were back together. 

This was our last "break up"

We took a  two day break a month later and it ended in us never wanting to be apart again. We figured out how to make long distance work.

5 months later we were engaged.

15 months later we were married.

A year later I'm writing this post.

Are you noticing a pattern here??

No matter what, something some odd force always drove us back to each other. We fought during each and everyone of those breakups. 

Yelling, name calling, crying, throwing things (not at each other, just in general).

We were brutal, our break ups were like what you would see on Jerry Springer, minus the body guard to separate us.

It sucked. 

I hated breaking up.

But I loved him and he loved me.

When we were "dating" we argued a lot.

Nothing ever to important. We picked petty fights with each other.

We decided to go through marriage counseling with our pastor before our wedding.

That was the best decision ever.

Before when we would fight, we'd both be steamed, go our seperate ways and stay mad all day.

Now, after an argument, we both take a deep breath, apologize and come to an agreement on whatever we were arguing about.

We not only learned to handle our arguments and each other, we also learned a lot about each other along the way.

Our pastor had us use the book "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" By Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott. It had a main book and two workbooks. 

Yeah we both thought it was dumb, but after the first session we understood that this could help us.

I encourage anyone, no matter the stage of their engagement or marriage to look into counseling or even just these books for use at home with each other.

Another huge turning point in our relationship was watching the movie "Fireproof".

Our pastor encouraged us to watch it together.

We did.

It was powerful, emotional, and exactly what we needed.

I cried, he cried had something in his eye.

We hugged and held each other after the movie and just talked.

We talked about what we wanted to gain from marriage. What we wanted this marriage to be like. What we wanted from each other.

Honesty and Understanding were the major points.

So far at this point in our marriage we are on key.

We fight, still. 

Always will.

My mom always told me, that if you don't fight, then you have bigger issues coming.

She's been married for almost 31 years, I'll take her word for it. 

Her experience is one I truley admire.

My parents marriage is something I can only hope to have. They fight, they laugh, the love and they forgive. They are each others best friends. They never once gave up on each other, even when people said they wouldn't last.

Proving people wrong, they have lasted and as strong as they were the day they got married.

I'm pretty sure I found a marriage like theirs.

My husband is my best friend. We play video games together, we laugh, we cry, we yell, but the " I love you's" are constant. The hugs are endless and holding each other as we fall asleep is a nightly routine. 

As I'm typing this, tears are forming in my eyes. I love my husband so much. I would go to the depths of hell for him. We don't give up on each other and for us, divorce is not an option.

Not saying that if you are divorced, I look down on you  or you are any less of a person, we just have talked about it and we decided we would exalt every option before letting the "D" word become a thought.

A lot of people say we rushed into marriage, but we took the classes, we had the talks, we had the love and were ready for the commitment. 

We were ready.

Don't get married if you aren't ready. It just isn't fair to the other person.

I hope everyone get's were I was getting at with this post...

Marriage is not something to take lightly.

I leave you with one of my favorite things...

A recipe for a happy marriage.

What is your best piece of marriage/relationship advice?

- J

Ain't Nobody Got Time for FAT {5 on Friday Link Up}

TGIF

I'm going to be linking up with Darci at The Good Life Blog for 5 on Friday!

Today my 5 is going to be about healthy food must haves!

 If you know anything about me, you know I look forward to Fridays cause 90% of the time I have the day off and the hubs always has it off (lucky duck). Every other Friday we go grocery shopping, and I LOVE IT! Not the spending money part, BUTTTT I like our guaranteed time together and we always make a day out of it and take our time and have fun. Also if you know me, you know I'm a bit of a health nut. I like being healthy now!!

So today my 5 are going to be my top 5 healthy grocery shopping staples!!!

1. Sweet Potatoes:

these beauties are freaking delish. I love it as a hash, fries, chips, or any edible delicious form!! I went forever thinking I hated them and then gave them a try again and BOOM we are BFF's!

2. Chobani Bite Expresso and Dark Chocolate Greek Yogurt

Oh lawddddy! 

I can't express my desires and the dirty things this yogo makes me want to do. I want to be dipped in a vat of it and left for dead. 

Thats a perfect death right there.

3. Salsa

I put it on everything. 

I love it hot and spicy so my eyes water (thats what she said..)

When in doubt salsa it out.

I think I've been lied to my whole life and I'm really not Irish, I'm really just an albino Mexican....

Mom? 

You got some 'splainin to do!

4.  Mrs. Dash.

She is my home girl.

Fo rizzle my nizzle.

 I love her salt free mixes. They sure make eating a farm full of chicken each week less bland and repetitive. Yeah we eat some much chicken

 I'm surprised I havent grown feathers..

..BOCK!

5. Kind Bars

Be kind, rewind.

These protein bars have me wrapped around their little finger. 

Chocolate and Sea Salt has to be my faveee!

They are delish!!! Oh the things I would do for a kind bar... 

What would you do-oh-oh for a Kinnnd Bar.

Whats your health food must have??

Weekend plans anyone??

We are hoping to get our new mattress this weekend, this dang rain we have been getting has been interfering....

and

GUESS WHAT??

No not that...

FINE, I'll tell you.

SATURDAY IS THE GLOW RUN!

I'm so excited to run it and have blast lighting up the night decked out in my sweet gear! Ha! Beware a lot of pictures will be added afterwards!


-J

(IG- ms_st4tus)

The Power of Prayer

We've all read those stories that tug at your heart strings. You think about what if that was some one in your family. What would you ever do in a situation like that? What would you hope to gain from sharing the story? Today the story hits close to home. No it's not my own, but it's my sisters. And what do I hope to gain from sharing this? I hope that people out there will pray, pray for an answer, pray for good news, just pray. The power of prayer is a strong one. No I'm not going to throw a Bible in your face and stand on your doorstep and ask you about your faith, but I'm not ashamed of mine. I'm a Christ loving gal and I believe strongly in forgiveness and prayer. I mean every sinner has a future and every saint has a past, so who am I to judge. I just try not to throw my faith around like I'm trying to prove something because I read the bible or because I enjoy hymns and a powerful church service. I pray and I believe in it's power. If you're not a prayer, then just send good thoughts. Let me step off my soap box so the real story can begin....

Sara's Story

"Right now my story is that I'm exhausted, weak and burning up with fever.  I have a horrible kidney infection (hydronephrosis and pyelonephritis). I was in the ER 3 weeks ago for kidney stones and was told I had a uti, hydro and pyelo (all which I have had consistently for years).  I took antibiotics for 10 days and felt fine.  Then 7 days ago I got a high fever, body aches and extreme chills that have yet to go away.  Although I don't currently have any "kidney symptoms" I knew it was most likely a kidney infection.  I went to the doctor and he said I had a horrible infection and gave me more antibiotics and wants me back in 10 days to see if we can at least get rid of the infection so I can function.  He also told me (I knew he would) that with the infection plus the hydro, pyelo, stones and other defects I absolutely could not put off seeing my urologist and having the recommended operations ASAP.  I totally agree..my quality of life is going down, down, down, but the problem is money.  I will never have enough money to "fix" myself.  Its not just operation and hospital costs, there's doctor's office visits, labs, tests, hospitals and the fact that I would have to miss work for an extended amount of time.  I already owe many doctors, hospitals and labs so much that they won't see me until I start shelling out money.  I could easily have the operations and file medical bankruptcy (I already have 10s of thousands of medical bills that I owe), but missing work that long is just not an option.  We are a 2 income family and we need every penny of both our incomes to survive.  I know that without these operations, dr visits and test I will most likely die, and I absolutely don't want that..not now, not with a young daughter and so much more I want to do.  But I feel pretty hopeless and helpless at this point, there is no one out there that is just going to pay my bills and fix me.  I will just have to continue getting by on ER visits, antibiotics and dealing with it....until I win the lottery (too bad I can't afford to play lol).

 

I'll give you some background, but as I said I'm pretty sick right now...I have a fever of 102.6  so my brain may be a little fuzzy on details, dates and procedure names...

 

As a child/teenager I was always having UTIs, side pain (especially when running or doing other physical activity).   I saw the dr many times, but was just given an antibiotic and told I was out of shape and needed to lose weight (that's why I always was in pain).  No one ever "looked inside" to see what was really the cause, I really wish just one person would have, my life would probably be a lot better now.

When I was 18 (2001) and on my own, while at work I got very sick and was in so much pain I thought for sure I would die.  I went to the small town ER when I got home...UTI they said, antibiotics they gave and after several days with nothing to eat and barely moving from my bed I felt OK.  A few months later (we had moved to Kansas City by this point) while at work I again had tremendous pain and almost passed out.  A security guard said he thought it was kidney stones and said I had to go to the ER and have CAT scan.  So to the ER I went and kidney stones I had..lots of them.  After months of doctors office visits, tests and medicine, my urologist scheduled me for a lithotripsy.  It was successful, I guess.  I went for awhile with no pain and thought I was ok.  But then it happened again.  The same urologist ordered more tests, more procedures, more scans and after I was admitted to the hospital (in severe pain from stones) I was told that there was something "not right" with my kidneys.  My left kidney just isn't formed right (i'm sure there is a proper medical term, but I don't know it), my left ureter is small and narrow and doesn't do an effective job and my right kidney isn't so great either.  But by this point I already owed said urologist a lot of money and he didn't suggest I do anything about it.."too expensive and you've gone this long not even knowing, I'm sure you'll be ok".

Over the next several years I saw several urologists and was in the hospital several times for kidney stones.  I had lithotripsy several more times and always felt OK afterwards, but not for long. Going to the ER was no longer a rare occurrence, it was a sure thing at least once every 6 months (I would always wait until I just couldn't wait any longer...who wants to go to the hospital? who wants to ruin someone's day by making them take me? who wants to miss work/holidays/plans?)   Sometimes I was stinted and kept in the hospital for a few days then sent home so I could either have lithotripsy again or just wait it out in hopes that stones passed.  Sometimes they would just pump me up with fluids and pain meds and I was sent home.  I could deal with it and after a while I just got used to always having pain in my sides.  During these years of doctors visits and lithotripsies no one ever mentioned the actual state of my kidneys or their function (or lack there of so it turns out).  It was always just the same thing over and over.  Medicine, stents, lithotripsy, ER visits, tests, doctors visits....BILLS BILLLS BILLS. I had used up a whole years worth of FMLA in just a few months, but I just couldn't work in severe pain and discomfort.  I was able at one point to pay off a small chunk of my bills and stay healthy for about 9 months. 

In 2006 I had gone through the same lithotripsy, stent, scans routine 2 times consecutively...and then I got pregnant.  Luckily for me and my baby my kidneys held up...almost all the way through.  I saw my urologist when my monthly/weekly urinalysis kept coming back with infection (ecoli, white blood cells) he sent me for more scans..hydronephrosis was the verdict and I was scheduled for surgery.  The day I was supposed to have the operation the urologist (from the same group, just not one I had personally seen before), was first told it was the right side, when I had been told left...because of the confusion, the fact I was pregnant and the fact that to him it wasn't that bad (no worse to him than in other pregnant women) he called off the surgery.  I went on to have my baby and had a pretty uneventful few months.  I had some pain, but was used to it so I dealt with it. As a stay at home mom, I had no insurance so I just put up a good front and tried to be strong when I felt the familiar kidney pain.  By November 2007, Thanksgiving day to be exact I was so sick that I thought I actually might die right there on the couch.  I finally gave in and went to the ER, kidney stones, infection, pneumonia and phlebitis.  I spent a week in the hospital mostly sleeping and was pretty sure I'd die. Because I was so unhappy with the urologist group that had just kept lithotripsying me I told the hospital the name of my first urologist instead...I mean at least he did see that there were things not right in there.  I got a stent and after a few more weeks I went to his office to have it removed and see what the next step was.  Before I even saw the dr I was told I had to pay a $300 balance from years ago...I didn't have the money, but they didn't care. No money, no dr.  I cried, I begged, and cried more until the doctor finally agreed he'd at least remove the stent.  He did and then he sent me away..no more help from him until I had insurance and cash.  

For the next few years I just dealt with the pain, went to the ER when it got real bad (mainly so I could get pills, so I could avoid having to go back).  I taught myself some breathing techniques, used a heating pad, drank lots of water, slept with all kinds of pillows to ease my pain and rationed out the pain pills I had collected after all my ER visits and surgeries.  I managed.  I managed until July 2009 I HAD to go to the ER...I was severely dehydrated, sicker than ever and in horrible pain, I couldn't take care of myself or my daughter I had to get help.  Because I owed so much money and had no insurance I went to the hospital down town that I was told worked with people if they couldn't pay.  I was admitted, got a stent and sent home 2 days later.  When I returned for my follow up visit they wanted to know how I'd be paying....well I was hoping to get some assistance. I filled out forms and saw the dr, who apparently had been told of my financial situation.  He didn't want to touch me...I might not be able to pay him if he actually did something.  So I was sent home..stent still in.  I tried and tried to get the info I needed to the right people, but no one wanted to help me and the hospital just wanted their money, they didn't like that I had a boyfriend that had a job..in their eyes he should just pay my bill (they didn't seem interested in the fact that he was the only one working and it took every bit of his check to cover rent, bills, food, clothes, diapers etc).  So after a while I just gave up.  I had a stent in and lived with it.

In 2010 I went to school and started a new job thankfully my kidneys didn't bother me too much (I still had the constant aches in my side, but by this time I was so used to it I barely noticed).  By the end of 2010 beginning of 2011 though I was really feeling rough.  I had no energy and was always hurting bad.  I hadn't been at my job long though so I just put on a brave face.  I would come in racked with fever and pain everyday, I had the nurses giving me as much Tylenol and ibuprofen as I could get.  I was calling in more and more and was scared I'd lose my job, my boss actually called me to see if I was working somewhere else instead.  A few days later I was in the ER...kidney stones, lots of them, everywhere.  I cried to my boss because I was scared, scared I'd be fired for missing so much work and being so useless when I was there.   I was told not to worry, they wouldn't fire me and to just get help.  I found a nurse that had had lots of kidney problems herself and she recommended a urologist.  He was a popular guy so it took me some time to get in, but I was hopeful he would be what I needed.  Around this same time I was having some vision problems, I would see spots or things floating in front of me and when I bent down I would go completely blind..everything was black.  I assumed I just needed new glasses, it had been a while.  My vision got worse, my kidney pain got worse and I was a mess.  I had never been so scared.  Once I finally got in to the urologist I told him everything...failed stents, lithotripsies, hospitalizations, ER visits, what all the other urologists had said, supposed birth defects..everything.  I ended with the kicker..I had an almost 2 year old stent in me. He was appalled...he'd never heard of someone having so many problems and couldn't believe I'd had a stent for that long.  He was sure it had probably crystalized and grown to me.  He had me do some scans in his office and then  we sat down to talk about options.  I told him flat out I wouldn't do lithotripsy or "try a few things to see what happened" I wanted to be cut open and have the stones taken out..bottom line! He actually agreed. He set up a percutaneous stone and stent removal for 3 weeks later.  I was ecstatic, I thought this would finally be the end of my problems. During the 3 wks before surgery I had several tests run (all of them saying that my kidneys were just no good) and I also visited the eye dr.  The dr I saw looked at me with that "something is very very wrong" look. He saw something not right with my eyes and told me I should see a neuro-opthamologist in their group.  Freaked out I googled what he said was wrong (enlarged optic nerves), of course I was sure I'd die...MS, Cancer, tumors it was all bad news.  A week before my kidney surgery I saw the neuro-opthamologist, he diagnosed me with pseudo tumor cerebri and scheduled me for a spinal tap 6 wks after my surgery and he wanted me to start taking medicine 5 times a day forever to try and help.  By this time I was almost totally blind, I couldn't drive, I couldn't watch TV everything was a blurry blob and I couldn't even focus on people's faces anymore.  I still worked though, I told my boss what all was wrong and she just said "oh that's too bad" and went on.  So I relied on my coworker who did most of my work for me.  He would have me only do tasks that didn't require much effort and would help me get up and down the halls, often guiding me like I was blind.  

March was almost over and it was finally time for my operation.  I was ready to get it over with.  I went in and was prepped....during this time I was already a little loopy from meds, but I was sure to tell my urologist about the PTC (he had been on vacation so this was my first opportunity) he wasn't happy with me, but we got started anyways.  After the first procedure (the placing of the tube into my back that would be used to do the operation) my doctor talked to me, I was highly sedated and only remember bits and pieces.  I heard low to no renal function, dialysis, very sick...then I was completely out and on my way to the next procedure.  After it was all over I was sore and didn't feel great, but I was excited that it was over and successful! After a few days I went to get my tube removed (it had been doing the work of my kidney since surgery) then I was told I could go home that next morning.  I went down for the tests and removal...again pretty sedated I heard the concern in the nurses voices.  My kidney just wasn't functioning, if they took the tube out there would be no functioning kidney in the left side. I was sent back upstairs and they tried again the next day and the next day. Finally they said I had to go..they'd unhook the drainage bag and leave the tube in and I'd come back in a week to see if my function had increased.  I was beyond nervous..how was I supposed to do anything with a fat tube hanging out of me, I couldn't even wear pants, and it leaked...I felt like a freak.  I went home and slept upright on doggie pee pads so I didn't leak on the furniture, I did as little as possible (not that there was much I could do with no pants and a tube hanging out of me anyways) and just begged God to let my kidney work again.  When I went in for my follow up they were able to remove the tube, the nurses were all still very concerned about the function and warned me to never drink alcohol again..."you'll die for sure" they said.  I immediately went to my urologist and he inspected the incision and talked about what was next.  It was decided that I'd just keep changing the dressings myself and come back in 3 wks.  When I came back he was impressed with my healing, but said he would need me to see another doctor in his practice, one that specialized in the issues I had..not good. I made an appointment  though.  I went home and recovered well from the surgery I had a funny scar, but felt great! I thought I'd finally be ok.  I had the spinal tap (a botched one that led to severe illness, 2 blood patches, 2 more weeks off from work and a fear of neurologists), was on my meds for my brain (my vision improved greatly, very quickly) and feeling good! Of course though it didn't last long, one month later I was back in the ER. Kidney stones, hydro, pyelo...AGAIN. They sent me home with meds and it was almost time for my appointment with the new urologist anyways.  He said I absolutely needed an operation...my kidney function was just no good. I went for more tests that confirmed my left kidney was pretty useless and my poor right kidney had been doing all the work for so long it too was shot and that ureter on the left was a sad little thing, barely big enough for urine to pass let alone stones. I saw the dr again and he said we needed to schedule surgery or 3 (reconstruction or possibly removal of my left, reconstruction and mending of my right and something had to be done with that pesky ureter as well)...but I had just missed 8 wks of work and had tons of new medical bills I couldn't pay.  I told him I couldn't do it.  He said I must, but he understood and told me to come back in 6 months to schedule it....I haven't seen him since.  

For the last 2 years I've done pretty well.  I lost 30 lbs and my PTC is considered in remission (no more pills!) Only 5 ER visits and every time, once they got me hydrated and some meds I was ok and didn't have the pain anymore.  Then3 wks ago at my ER visit the doctor actually showed great concern about the pyelo and hrdyo...she said I must follow up with my urologist soon.  Easier said than done...

And that leads to where I am now.  Day 7 of a high fever, body aches, chills, nausea and just starting today (probably because of the dr poking around) side pain on both sides.  This is a new doctor and he's totally different from anyone I've seen before.  He is very concerned, but is determined to at least get rid of my infection and get me to the urologist.

 

I'm scared. I know I already owe this urologist, the lab and the hospital they use tons of money.  How can I see them if I can't pay them for the old stuff.  This is my conflict.  I can't get anything done until I pay, but I fear I will die from  what is making me sick now before I ever get enough money.  If I do make it and get the operations how will I pay my bills? Will we lose our house? Will we ever financially recover?

It's just so hard..."

In no way, shape or form am I asking for money. I'm asking for prayers. Prayers that answers come her way, that she is able to figure out things. Prayers that she can find a foundation or someone who know's about this and what steps it takes to get healed.

Thank you all for taking your time to read this..

I encourage anyone out there to get kidney screenings as well as there normal screenings. You never know what could happen and if it could happen to you, but prevention and awareness is key.

Have a blessed day.

-J