Mic Check...1....2....3

Testing, testing...

Is this thing on?

I'm blowing off the dust on my keyboard and I think I'm gonna come back to the blogging world. I took a break from blogging for a couple of reasons..

Time. I was having trouble balancing my personal life and schedule along with work, workouts and hubby time. I was overwhelmed.

Content. I had started this blog to keep myself accountable,to document my journey and to hopefully inspire someone along the way. I focused to much on what I there's thought about what I wrote and doing it for everyone else instead of doing it for me like I intended. I've missed it.

Then I tried coming back but still trying to write for others and not myself

I've been tossing the idea around about coming back for the last few days, but as I was pushing through my workout yesterday morning and as I sat waiting for my strength test for work I realized that I missed it and the public accountability and support. I'm going to do it again and focus on writing and posting what I want not what everyone thinks I should. I mean it's my blog right?

So enough rambling about my inner conflicts on blogging, let's do some catching up..

Here I am year three of my journey with two years of maintaining the weight loss. A quick recap of my story for you all..

7-7-12 wedding day and a bride tipping the scales at 250

1-1-13 Weighed in at 228 and officially starting a healthy lifestyle

6-1-13 first 5k, no stopping or walking, down fifty pounds.

10-5-15 first 5k for time, down over 60lbs and got second in my age group with my fastest time ever of 26:07

By the end of October, beginning of September I was down 70lbs from the beginning of the year

Started weightlifting and Joined a gym in mid November 

Started 2014 strong and it ended up being a maintenance year. I was able to maintain the majority of my weight loss and not go overboard. We moved two times and I changed gyms twice and also changed jobs once. It was a lot going on and really added to the struggle I was having with finding a balance.

I started 2015 with more determination then I had had in a while. I knocked off the 10-15 pounds of fat that had started to creep back during the holidays. I'm sitting at my average weight still. My lowest weight to date is 157 which would be -71 pounds. On average I fluctuate between 158-163 that's my normal range I guess. 

It is mid July and we are literally half way through the year. I have big goals now, I want to compete in the WBFF's Transformation Division in late spring of 2016, dates TBA still. But that gives me time to work on building muscle and really time to transform my body even further- if I put in the work and not in the fork. But really, I'm not going to lie, I'm a snacker, never much but enough that it's going to start hurting me. 

I eat because I'm bored and that's a terrible habit and I'm aware of that but that's been something I've really been focusing on lately. I'm an adult and I have self control so I have to slap my hand away.  It was really bad this last few weeks, I just wanted to eat everything in sight, I didn't, I felt deprived, I felt hungry, my body ached, I had headaches, so I listened to what my body was saying. I fed it. I had a chicken bacon panini wrap with sweet potato fries, shared an order of mozzarella sticks with the husband, and the I had a small peanut butter cookie dough blast from sonic for dessert. That was my cheat meal. It was glorious!!!!! It has taken away the majority of the snacks feeling. I wasn't cheating enough on my cheat meal I guess. I was having grilled chicken wraps on whole grain, with small serving of veggies, a few fried pickles and some fresh salsa. It was good but it was still perfect in my diet, it wasn't hitting what I need it to i guess. I need to release the restraints and find a balance between those two meals though. Something that will satisfy my body but not go overboard. 

Fitness, healthy eating, all this is hard. It's not easy, it's not cut an dry. I'm human and I have bad days and I have food days. But I'm trying. I'm really trying and I need to be more accountable to myself. So I'm back on here for that, I'm also writing my workouts, meals and random thoughts comments I have on meals or workouts down on a note book to help me reflect easily and motivate myself. I'm learning to schedule better. It's helped that we moved agin back in April to the town I work in. That cut out two twenty minute drives, let's me come home on lunch and actually separate my mind from work for a bit, let's me enjoy more morning stretching,get home after the gym and still have time to do things. I also changed gyms and that helped a lot too. 

Most importantly and how I'm going to end this is, I learned to focus on myself. I met this amazing  lady at the 1st Phorm Summer Smash event I went to a month ago, she was so insightful and positive and I was able to really have a new view on things!

"Focus on yourself, not on others, not what they're doing, not what works for them, focus on you. Do what feels right, what feels good and make yourself happy. You matter first not them."

Now it's off for an early morning leg day! 

What have you all been up too?!?

-J