Intimidated Shmintated

Ugh packing and sorting has consumed my life, that and a few minutes of Netflix distractions. This weekends the move and next weeks the garage sale. If I can survive until then it might just be a miracle. 

This is how I hope it goes, the less trips the better.

But enough of my whineyness. The hub has made the switch to a day job, which means we are up and at em at 7/730 and passed out before 1 am.  That for us is a complete flip, we've been doing the night thing for over 2 years. 

So yesterday was my first day of going to the gym in the morning with the majority of the planet. No longer was it just me and maybe one or two stragglers. I was there among about a dozen people in the small gym. I was completely intimidated. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to turn around and run out the door and hide in my car. But they'd seen me, If I ran out now, they'd know I was scared, or just really socially awkward. I kept walking, set my stuff down and then just decided to fake it. I puffed my chest out like I was big and bad and walked over and started my day. There was this skinny girl there working out with her boyfriend, ahhh the nerves came creeping back. I always wanted to be the skinny girl, I always used to think that skinny automatically ment fit(Thanks for the twisted views society). 

What happened to these views?

But now I know, fit means fit, fit doesn't have a weight restriction or a pants size. Fit means being the best you, you are capable of pushing yourself to be and striving for health not perfection- well thats what it means to me. But this girl was side eyeing me and mirroring me and I felt allllll the judgement her eyes had to offer. I had this feeling that maybe it was a mistake, maybe I was out of place here, I was to weak to be here. Thats when my day got made. I don't judge people on what they can and can't lift, because I'm my only competition, but it never hurts to have that satisfying feeling of a reality check. I glanced at me in the mirror and there she was doing calf raises with 5's and her boyfriend was near me doing this weird circus version of curls. I mean it was too high of a weight for him and he was having to thrust/throw the weight up to even make the curl motion. That was it, I wasn't weak, I wasn't out of place, I belonged. I was owning chest day, I PR'd on incline dumbbell press using 35's- I was strong. She was skinny, I was fit. My body has muscle definition (somes better than none) she just was skinny. Which it shouldn't make me feel better because I was comparing myself, but it just did today. It made me feel better about getting up among the normals. When I left the gym I was puffed out again, but it wasn't because I was faking it, it was because I felt like a bad ass, because I was being the best me and didn't let others judging looks or bodies I used to swoon over get me down or stop me.

Don't let anything stop you from achieving the goals you want to.

What insecurities have you pushed aside and made yourself proud for achieving?

-J